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I’d like to apologize to all of you for all the time you’re eventually going to waste here. Not because I’m immodest enough to think you’ll be riveted by what I write (although that is my fondest hope), but because I’ll admit up front that there aren’t any animal pictures or funny videos or photos of celebrities breaking my nose as they try to steal my camera (yet!). Scientists hard at work on Research have shown those are the real reasons people surf the Web. Maybe Pets.com would still be in business if they’d had some pictures of stuff on cats.

With the economy the way it is, maybe you’ve stumbled here because you were laid off and have lots of time to just browse for idiocy such as this. If this is the case, I can only assume you’re here on a break between posting “First” on the forum for the upcoming Perfect Strangers “re-imagining” and trying to figure out which of the job postings on Craigslist are legitimate. Helpful hint: you won’t find a career in the personals section.

Originally, before I settled on writing blather (name was taken), inanity (also taken) and sheer and utter nonsense (didn’t bother to look), I thought I might try chronicling the world of alien news. Abuduction roundups, UFO sightings, government denials, and the eventual takeover of humankind. It would have been great. But I abandoned this for two reasons: First, I realized that part of my duties would have to include listening to some late-LATE night talk radio, and I don’t have the time/energy/stomach for that. And second, if I’m writing online about alien abductions, one of two things would happen. First (A?), they’d either turn out to be fake, and I’d be out of business for lack of news, or (B?) they’d be real and my chances to save myself by becoming a collaborator just went out the window by exposing their Plan.

Instead, I settled on this. Like Bob Dylan, my goal is to string a bunch of unrelated sentences together and be world renowned for it.  The only difference (literally, the only one) is that sometimes his nonsense rhymes.

As we begin our trip down this river of inanity (That’s a good one. Too late to change it now!), let me take you to the bridge and give you a look at how I’m going to steer this mighty vessel. I’ll start with the name.

One of the hardest parts of any new venture such as this is coming up with a name. Especially for me. I once wrote a short story and called it Janus, after the two-faced god of something, because the main character couldn’t decide if he wanted to sleep with an unattractive girl or stay a virgin single. I was in college when I wrote it. Guess what he picked. Wrong.

So after an exhaustive 10-minute search, I found that no one had claimed Inane in the Brain. Which I like because it rhymes, I didn’t need to think of a word to leave the vowels out of, and I could potentially get some redirects from people looking for Cypress Hill lyrics.  In said exhaustive search (which only took 10 minutes because so many things were already taken; Save some single words for the rest of us, people!), I found a ton of domain names that would have been perfect for this site, but were sadly unavailable. For instance:

Inanity.com

HerveVillechaize.com

HarperValleyPTA.com

Lactose.com

IntercoursePA.com

MySpace.com (would have been perfect, because this is MY SPACE! Damn cybersquatters)

egay.com (Sadly, not living up to its potential)

RicardoMontalban.com

Some nine seconds into minute 11, I came up with Inane in the Membrane, and by 10:13 it was Inane in the Brain. It was love at first sight. Technically second sight. Just remember, it’s better than being inane someplace else.

I hope you like what you read and you don’t waste too much time here. And that you learned something. About me, about you, and about life. Until next time, adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen.

Brad Pitt and Edward Norton

Edward Norton (right) and Brad Pitt will play Larry and Balki, international superspies who learn they're really cousins, in "Perfect Strangers," coming next year.

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3 Comments

  1. Go for it! Let the mind escape!

  2. There was too much for my adhd to handle reading! So, I skipped happily to the picture of Brad Pitt and the other guy! I think the site needs pugs and Ohio State scores! And derrogitory comments about other will lead to pain and suffering!
    Add more pictures between the paragraphs, and other slackers like me will find it easier to read!
    Luv Ya!

  3. Okay…more comments from the peanut gallery. I think there should be a link to Big Mike’s on here for the world to enjoy….and possibly movie scripts for the world to read. Especially the one where our “alter egos” wreak havoc!


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